What would happen if you tried like you were never going to fail?

How would you love if your heart would never get broken?

How would you see the world if you knew the past has no place in the future?


Today I call you, I challenge you, I implore you...
Live your life more fully than you ever thought possible.


Do new things and challenge yourself knowing you cannot fail.
Love those around you with heart completely open as though it cannot break.
View the world each day like you've never seen it before--the past has already happened.

Yes. You might fail.
Your heart might break.
The world may bring you sorrow.

You will not regret your new choices, I promise.
To live life in any lesser way is to truly not live life at all.

My wish for you is one of happiness, fulfilled dreams, and the beginnings of  new dreams to come.
I wish you peace, love, a reduced sense of anxiety and a renewed appreciation for the world in which you live.
May you always follow the path of Light, act in ways that harm no one, and see in yourself a person who can make a new and brighter future.
I hope you will find life even amongst death.
I pray you will find joy through the darkest times in your soul,
and love in the greatest times of loneliness.

Know that your friends are there for you to call when you are in need.
Believe that in your life exists a community ready to hold you in the dark,
and eager to celebrate your life's joys.
Seek them out,
let them in,
be there for them when they are in need.

Know you have a friend in me.

One of my  best friends in the world has taken the plunge and is .living. as an artist.
Granted, this was not done at this point in time entirely by choice. He was laid off, during a time when the economy has tanked and may continue to do so. Living as an artist is not something that makes boatloads of money at first, and now add the fact that everyone is hiring less and spending less.

Despite these obstacles, he continues to amaze me. His writing is superb and sexy, his photography of the urban world and life within are, in my honest yet aggressive opinion, is at the top of a very short list of amazing photography. Visibility is the only thing that keeps every artist from being instantly famous. Call me biased, but he's amazing.

Despite his amazingness, he's having trouble with work. He was forced to take his plunge and he is plunging, fighting and surviving with grace and inspiring tenacity. I love him so much for his example. I think he's doing what many of us dream of doing: living life fully despite the obstacles...perhaps in spite of the obstacles...and doing exactly what he wants to do. Yes, it's scary. It's scary as hell. What about bills? Rent? Food?

That's where I come in...and all the people love who him. I have been the recipient of love and support from my community when I ran into hard times.

It wasn't always that way. I was living my own dream as a teacher but not being paid well, I had high bills, I had just left my second relationship in two years, and I was living alone in a town with no friends or family. I grew up in a family where you fended for yourself, because you could be sure no one was going to help you out.

But then I moved to Portland, OR, and met this fantastic person on a day where all I wanted to do was hide under the covers at the bottom of the bed. With his help, I discovered that when you become friends with people, you form a community. Community is a network of people who support, love and accept the people in it. Why? Because that's what you do. ("Duh," I was told) This was Not a duh moment for me. It's taken me time to actually believe that people would not run away when I needed help. My friend taught me the value of community, and I'm determined to support him in the plunge he has taken. I may not be able to pay his rent, but I sure as hell can help out emotionally, I can be there physically in a heartbeat if he needs me, damn all airline obstacles, and I will even help out financially as much as I can.

Why? Because he's living his dream, because he's Good People, and because he's my family.
And so are all my friends--all of you are really my family, now. You are My People. I love you, and I will be there when you need me anytime you take the plunge (whether it was your decision or not).  I don't want you to be fretful about Life...and if you get to that point, call me. Because I want you to believe down to the marrow in your bones that, underneath it all, nothing horrible will happen to you because I will be there. To support you.

No matter what.

Taking words from author Nicola Griffith, pain is just a message.

It exists to tell you something is wrong,
but your body can do a great deal more
than it will let on.

Pain is just a message.

I used to be so fit. I could climb trees in mere seconds, lift things twice my mass, fit into jeans that would turn women's heads. I come from farmer stock. Butch with a broad fork--who knows how to dance.

Somewhere along the line of finding my career, my love and my home, I lost track of that fitness. I sag and bulge in places that make me feel embarrassed. This upsets me. Not because I don't fit whatever model "they" say I should fit.
It upsets me because my body now reveals too much. It reveals my age. It reveals that as my metabolism has slowed down, my taste for bread and sugar has not. Most importantly, it reveals that I have strayed too far from my youthful habits. I have lost the lust for climbing trees, for taking risks and playing. If I played more, perhaps I would be more fit. I miss the old me.

Perhaps this also contributes to my cyclical 3-month transition urge. About every 3 or 4 months, I find myself wondering if this time I'll go through with it. If *now* is the time that I chemically and surgically match my body to fit the me inside. Funny thing, though, is that the urge is less acute when I'm more fit.
Funny thing, that.

So today, feeling that all-too-familiar urge, I went outside and moved my body through yard work. Mowing a large lawn with a reel mower involves many passes, bending, stretching, sweating and turning. Weeds the mower cannot cut are pulled out by my hands. Weeding the garden involves pulling, broad-forking, stretching, bending and feeling the soft nutrient-rich soil between my fingers.

After several hours of this, with breaks for water, I had earth, grass and sweat all over my body. I felt pain first in my hands, then in my arms and back, and finally all down my legs. In the recent past, I would stop at the first sign of fatigue, but there is no sense of accomplishment from that. Today I wanted to burn, to ache, to sweat...to feel my body as I pushed it through motions it stopped expecting years ago.

Ah, this pain is good. I am acutely aware of the skin on the tips of my fingers, of trails of muscle running down from my neck to my ass, and I can even feel each toe on my feet. My pain is a message from my body, which has been suffering from inertia for far too long.

My pain makes me feel alive again. As a consequence, I've become aware of how the leaves flutter in the wind, as though the air molecules are caressing each one in a sensuous greeting. I'm aware of the crickets chirping their songs to each other, telling stories about each section of yard as though it were news from another country. My lover, as she strolls through our garden and picks blueberries, is brighter, stronger, and more beautiful than my imagination can remember. All my senses are fine-tuned. The taste of blueberries and ripe tomatoes become an explosion of colors in my mouth.

In caring for the land, I become one with the land.
In turn, I am given the gift of pain, awareness and life.

My twenties lasted for.ever. At least they seemed to drag on and on...but it only took a few minutes to realize that those years were jam packed full of firsts.

I triggered my first lightning, I...
Got my first apartment.
Ended my first serious relationship.
Earned my first post-high school degree.
Earned my first graduate degree.
Began my first career.
Lost my first parent.
Moved coast to coast for the first (and second) time.
Bought my first house.
Bought my first new car.
Returned to church....and became my family's first minister's wife!
Took my first trip to Costa Rica.
Got married to the love of my life.
Became addicted to books. (If only books came intravenously!)
Got my first kayak.
Moved to New England.
Moved to West Coast (not in that order).
Discovered chocolate is fairly vanilla.
Realized I get off on church polity.
Got my first chihuahua and realized I really do have a thing for littles.
Got my first (and hopefully last) bulging disc.
Had my first MRI...mmm....MRI.
Took my first college chemistry class.
Taught my first chemistry class.
Grew my first garden.

*whew*
And that's still leaving out some of the funnest stuff...you'll just have to use your imagination.

Since I'm on a roll with lists...what do I want to do in my thirties?

Kayak in the Atlantic.
See more of the world (Ireland, Scotland, Germany, India, Costa Rica, Italy, France, Bay of Fundy).
Go hang gliding.
Go sky diving.
Get my pilot's license.
Get my motorcycle license.
Become a seasoned astrophotographer.
Add on to our new house.
Have my 10 year anniversary with my beautiful partner.
Read more books (how can I not?).
Maybe get working on that PhD.
Get back in shape.

Ambitious, I know.
But when have I not been?

I used to be an INFJ...wow.
This new score describes me quite well, I think.

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(unpretentious2)

State Package for Hillary Clinton

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may tread me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

This is not the first time you have seen Hillary
Clinton seemingly at her wits' end, but she has always
risen, always risen, don't forget she has always
risen, much to the dismay of her adversaries and the
delight of her friends.

Hillary Clinton will not give up on you and all she
asks of you is that you do not give up on her.

There is a world of difference between being a woman
and being an old female. If you're born a girl, grow
up, and live long enough, you can become an old
female. But to become a woman is a serious matter. A
woman takes responsibility for the time she takes up
and the space she occupies. Hillary Clinton is a
woman. She has been there and done that and has still
risen. She is in this race for the long haul. She
intends to make a difference in our country. Hillary
Clinton intends to help our country to be what it can
become.

She declares she wants to see more smiles in the
family, more courtesies between men and women, more
honesty in the marketplace. She is the prayer of every
woman and man who longs for fair play, healthy
families, good schools, and a balanced economy.

She means to rise.

Don't give up on Hillary. In fact, if you help her to
rise, you will rise with her and help her make this
country the wonderful, wonderful place where every man
and every woman can live freely without sanctimonious
piety and without crippling fear.

Rise, Hillary.

Rise.

Dear Loonyverse,

Please note my wish list for 2008 below. Helping out with these items would be super.spiffy....

1. Lotsa more snow since this .is. Maine after all and it's beautificus around our new home.

2. The election of a Mrs. Hillary Rodham clinton would be quite lovely, as she'd get shit done. If, for some awful reason, that is not possible, at least a democratic president who has a larger IQ (not hard) than our current White House resident would be okay with me -- provided they can get shit done too. Good shit, too...not the cheap stuff.

3. A continuation of this honeymoon "phase" of my marriage.*

4. Maybe for a bonus, I could get a telly-scope that tracks stars and lets me take pics of stars with my camera. Just a little 12" would be enough. Gotta see far away now that I can see virtually every star in your backyard, loonyverse. :)

5. The visting of the friends from afar would be fantastic, as I miss them.

Thank you, and thank you for your continued support.

J

* Phase is such an ugly word. In this case I am using phase as a descriptor for eternity. Let the honeymoon last for eternity. Oh, and an actual honeymoon (going somewhere spiffy with the sweetie and seeing cool things and getting alone time and care-free time) would be fantastic.